Retread O'Reilly

St. Louis, in its ongoing effort to drive me completely batshit insane, has plunged us into wretched, windy, winter cold. 20 is not a temperature; it is an age, or a type of currency. Because of the bone crushing cold, I have been too much of a wienie to walk the Vector. Consequently, like any ginormous goat puppy, she’s been acting like a crazed hell-beast.

Last night I decided to deal with the beastie’s excess energy by taking a quick walk over to Mom’s so she could play with Uncle Elliot, Mom’s long-suffering border collie. Long-suffering because even though he’s an older dog has had, over the past year, to tolerate a stream of puppies through house, all of which demanded that he play! with! them! I figure that since, like my dogs, he won’t get an actual job—entertaining the puppers is one small way he can earn his keep. So there.

Plus, Mom can be counted on to feed me when I’m too lazy to go to the grocery store.

So I’m over there chatting with Mom while she does her aerobics, and activity that consists of watching Bill O’Reilly and bits of the president speaking—she figures that her heart rate is sufficiently elevated just by watching the talking heads talk. I’m not in that kind of shape, as evidenced by the fact that I threatened repeatedly to jab my mother’s cheese knife into my jugular.

It. Was. Terrifying.

Bill O’Reilly had on two Conservative Legal Vixens, one of whom had obviously found a sink full of Botox and then soaked her whole head in it. The other had one eyebrow that, like a wooly-bear caterpillar, was making a slow march up her forehead. The look on her face clearly said, “Everyone who is watching this must be retarded.” All I can assume is that the physical appearance of the CLVs was intended to distract from the warm, frothy shit coming out of their mouths. Alas, it did not work.

Bill and the CLVs were discussing how a recent decision of a three judge panel of the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals was indisputable evidence that all terror cases should be tried in military tribunals rather than civilian courts. You can read briefly about the decision here :

http://www.topix.net/content/ap/0428992685141555206338764810430622521206?threadid=9JEJ874UP46K5991

The 9th Circuit Court vacated a lower court sentence and referred the case back for reconsideration. Ergo, liberal activist judges cannot be trusted to try terrorists and all future terror cases should be handled in President Retread’s tribunals. There is no possibility that, say, this case in particular was poorly handled by the trial court. Or that, I don’t know, maybe appeals courts make decisions based on their desire to halt the brutal raping of the Constitution. Whatever. I haven’t read the court transcript; maybe the 9th Circuit judges were, in fact, being idiots. That does not, however, serve as sufficient support for scrapping a few hundred years of legal practice and letting Joe Army handle it from here.

After that segment, Mom finally responded to my antagonized mewling and consented to change the channel. Next thing I know, I’m faced with film of President Retread being interviewed on 60 Minutes.

Now, I’m not a news junkie, but I’m reasonably well informed. I do not, however, get my news from television. Consequently, it had been a long time since I had actually seen the president speak.

Why didn’t someone tell me he had completely lost his fucking mind?

I mean, I thought all along he was a megalomaniacal douchebag of marginal intelligence. No shock there. I did not, however, realize that we had progressed to the point where Retread looked like a glassy eyed lunatic with feces caked under his nails. Watching him talk, without even listening to the substance to the drivel, was truly frightening.

I need the weather to break so I can go back to walking the dog. I don't think I can sit through another evening like that.