Fourth Quarter Quotes

Good times of late at Corporate Happy Funjob. . . after several months of slowdown while we assessed where fuck we had gone off track, we're quickly finding ourselves back in the thick of it.

One would think that in the months when were all basically told to sit in a corner and think about ourselves, my co-workers might have learned a thing or two and stopped behaving like such incredible idiots. One, though, would be wrong. It's like they've saved up all their fuckery for the moment that they would have a chance to unleash it.

Part of it is, I know, that I support sales people who are mostly all bunged up because they have been earning less during the months that we've been grounded. I am, to some extent, sympathetic. At the same time, though, most of these mouth breathers make tens of thousands of dollars more a year than I do because. . . Fuck. I have no idea. They don't either. I guess because they sell stuff? I know more and work harder, and the only thing most of these people can do without the support of my peers and I is wipe their own asses.

Ah, the joys of pink collar wage slavery. Another happy accident of accidentally fulfilling at typical gendered job.

Either way, though, production is now ramping up with nary a backward glance at lessons learned. This has, as a result, led to some FANTASTIC conversations between me, my co-workers, and my boss.

Things I have actually said in the past few weeks:

To my boss:
"I hope that isn't going to be our '09 goal, because it if it is, I'm not signing it. I refuse to acknowledge as a goal something I believe to be impossible."

"I'm applying for everything available in the company that isn't actually a demotion."

"I'm tired of the all stick, no carrot performance management philosophy we've adopted"

"No, I didn't look at it. Because I've accepted that we actually cannot be successful, it didn't seem worth my while to see where I'd failed."


To my co-worker, who wanted something by end of year:
"Hahahahaha. No. Not going to happen. If you think someone else can get it done for you, then by all means, request someone else. But they can't do it either. Give it up, let it go, tell the customer."

To a different boss:
Me: "No. I can't stay late."
OtherBoss: "Why not?"
Me: "I'm sorry. I misspoke. I CAN stay late, but I'm not going to. I didn't create this problem, and I don't think it is fixable at 4:30 on a Friday."

I guess I should watch my mouth and be nicer, but frankly unless I walked into the director's office and whipped a tit into his face I don't think I could get fired. It's kind of how my company rolls. Not to mention I know more than anyone on my team including my boss. I know everyone is replaceable, especially in this economy. However, really? They're too fucking lazy, better to put up with the mouthy bitch who knows everything.