So today I had an interview for a promotion at Pink Collar Wage Slave Job #1. I think it went okay, as I put on my happy employee gameface and did my level best to sound like someone who ultimately gives a shit about something besides my paycheck. One of the things I find so frustrating about job interviews at my (crappy) level of employment is how completely full of shit they are.
Looking around my job at present, I’m convinced that the following is a true and accurate transcript of the interviews of at least 3 of my co-workers:
Interviewer: So, what you’re telling me is that you’re functionally retarded, but not actually retarded?
Interviewee: *throws a handful of feces at interviewer*
Interviewer: Can you start Monday?
I wanted to sum up my qualifications as “Look, motherfucker. Some bad choices in my 20s have brought me here, to your mercy. Compared to the boneheads back in the cubes at the other office, I’m a goddamn genius. You should hire me for two reasons: 1: I’m smart enough not to embarrass you, and 2. I would kill myself if I had to do what you do every day so I’m absolutely no threat to you.”
Hooray. As it stands, though, I would like very much to get this new position if for no other reason than because it will bring me one step closer to being able to quit Pink Collar Wage Slave Job #2. Although Job #2 is a source of constant amusement, including explaining to the guy driving the crematorium van why I can’t announce his arrival on the overhead paging system, I’m ready to get back to the traditional single job configuration of the regular spoiled American.
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